Today, I mourn the loss of the great potential between Mark & Jane Stewart. Not what we had, but what we could have had.
Like so many couples, we started out with so much promise. We were to go into the ministry together, but unfortunately, she was just playing church. Now, the marriage is ending, and the what if questions haunt me.
It is like a headache that just won’t go away. It isn’t so bad that you can’t function, but the pain is always there. It settles to a dull ache that drains your energy.
What losses have you suffered that are gnawing at you? Are you grieving what you actually lost, or the potential of what could have been?
It is this potential that takes longer to get over. You still get out of bed in the morning, and go take care of your responsibilities. But, the dreams and hopes for the future that used to be so clear and close you could touch them are now distant and out of focus.
We all need goals to work for, and dreams of what we would like our life to be. Without them, life can seem bland, and even meaningless. Now, you have no clear vision of where to go or what to do, and as it says in Proverbs 29:18, “Where there is no vision, the people perish.”
Rebuilding dreams and visions, after the loss of a loved one, or end of a marriage, is one of the most challenging aspects of the grieving process. You spent years painting a picture what you wanted your life together to be, and in a short time, that picture became a blank page.
How many times have we all faced a blank piece of paper, or computer screen, when we had to write something for school or work? We get writer’s block, because we are intimidated by the immensity of the project, and the starkness of that blank page.
Multiply the intensity of that fear, and starkness of that blank page a thousand times over, and you have the challenge of trying to paint a new picture of your desired future. It is incredibly intimidating. We start drawing, and then go back and erase it all. We repeat that process a hundred times, before we begin to see something finally take shape.
If you know God, just remember that He has plans for you as well, and the loss did not take Him by surprise. He knew it was going to happen, and has a beautiful picture of your future already painted. It is a Masterpiece that is so much more than we could ever imagine.
Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”
Rather than spending so much time trying to paint a new picture of our future, what if we simply asked God to reveal some of what He has planned for our future? God may show us only a small piece of the larger work, because we can’t handle seeing all of it, it would be overwhelming. But, He will often reveal a small portion that we are ready for.
We can then have a goal to strive for, and a future that is more beautiful than anything we could ever have painted ourselves.
I know this is easier said than done, because I am still struggling with this. My marriage ended, and I found myself in the position of being the one with my son, most of the time. Being a single parent was not in my plans. I didn’t put that anywhere in my painting. I struggle with fear of inadequacy, and fear of failing as a parent and provider.
Getting on board with God requires putting my paint brush down, and waiting for God to show me what He has painted. But, I don’t want to wait. Part of me would rather paint my own picture, than to wait to see what God has for me.
His painting is so much more beautiful than anything I could ever imagine, let alone paint with my limited skills.
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