I have said before that being a single parent was not in my plans. Nobody, stands at the altar, saying their vows, expecting it to be alone. When a spouse cheats on you, it intensifies the feelings of rejection. You feel like this old house, abandoned, neglected, and cast aside.
Most people would look at this old house, and see a rotting shell that needs to be demolished. As a photographer, I looked at it, and saw a strange kind of beauty. I saw beauty in the way the tall grass was surrounding it, and the old weathered wood. I wondered who lived in the house, and what memories are hidden within those walls.
I believe that God looks at us at the worst points in our lives, and sees beauty. When everyone around us sees a failure, God sees potential. In fact, God often calls people to His service, at these low points in their lives.
Today was one of those days that I felt abandoned, and left to rot. The pressure at my job has been ramped up as the end of the semester draws near. The bills are piled high, my car needs new tires, and my dryer has quit working. This last weekend, Joel was at his mother’s place, and I was missing him. To top it all off, this morning I got a call from the Joel’s school. He was having a temper tantrum, and refusing to do his schoolwork.
I felt completely overwhelmed. I wanted to leave work, go home, and hide under the covers. But, I have a child to take care of, and need to keep my job. So, I made myself keep busy, and tried to be productive.
I don’t understand why all of this has happened, or what purpose God has in all of it. But, I trust that God has a plan, and that plan is perfect. If I just keep trying to follow Him, He will make something beautiful out of this mess. I don’t know what the final outcome will be, but I cling to the promise that all things will work to my good.
